WHAT EXACTLY IS BULLYING?
As a therapist, a question I often get from parents and administrators is what exactly is bullying? Or does so and so behavior count as bullying? I’m here to help give some insight!
Bullying can be defined as unwanted, repeated and aggressive behavior (key word aggressive, bullying must include aggressive behavior) that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. Bullying behaviors include making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone either physically or verbally and excluding someone from a group on purpose.
In a 2017 study by the National Center for Education Statistics, about 20 percent of students ages 12–18 reported being bullied at school during the school year. Of students ages 12–18, about 13 percent reported being the subject of rumors; 13 percent reported being made fun of, called names, or insulted; 5 percent reported being pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on; and 5 percent reported being excluded from activities on purpose. Additionally, 4 percent of students reported being threatened with harm, 2 percent reported that others tried to make them do things they did not want to do, and 1 percent reported that their property was destroyed by others on purpose.
There are also several different types of bullying to be aware of:
Physical bullying which includes hitting, kicking, pushing or an unwanted physical behavior
Verbal bullying: name calling, insults, teasing, verbal intimidation and homophobic/racist/anti-semetic remarks
Social bullying: spreading rumors, damaging someone’s reputation and/or causing humiliation
Cyber bullying: abusive texts/posts/images/videos, excluding people online, spreading rumors or gossip or impersonating someone online.
This all might sound scary and daunting, and it can be but here are some tools to help your child combat bullying.
1. Talk to your child’s teacher or the school administration- While your child might object to this as they fear it might make things worse, most schools have a zero tolerance policy for bullying and will do what they can to make sure that it doesn’t exist on their campus.
2. Communicate!- Your child might be showing symptoms of anxiety or depression but not telling you what’s wrong. Ask them about their friends, who they play with at recess, who they talk to and sit next to at school. The more you talk to you child, the more information you’ll get and you might be able to figure out if there’s a problem. You can also reach out to your child’s teacher and see if they’ve noticed anything that they might not have brought to your attention.
3. Encourage your child to speak up- Not only speak up for themselves but if they notice another kid getting bullied then standing up for them as well.
4. Set a good example- Your kids hear everything that you say when they’re around. So if you’re talking badly about someone or being rude to a waiter, they’ll pick up on that and might think that it’s acceptable behavior.
The culture of bullying can’t change unless we each start to make little changes to prevent it. Talk about it, ask questions and if need be seek outside help!